Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Comparison is Killing my Contentment

     So. This is not really a "normal'' post for this blog, or for me to even write. I usually leave the deeper expressions of contemplation to the blogs that were actually created to intellectually challenge the reader. For example, the Gospel Driven Family blog will leave you feeling smarter and yet, surprisingly uninformed about the topic by the time you finish a post in most cases (in my cases anyway). The blogs for clever people abound, and therefore I, not counting myself among the clever, have a tendency to steer toward conversational writing. Because I want to talk to my readers, not just inform them.
     Today I still want to talk to you. So don't let the different format throw you off. I want to talk to you about something that plagues my walk with Christ, something that isn't a first-time struggle for me, one that crops up every now and then and threatens to steal my joy and occasionally succeeds.

My struggle is called Contentment. 
     Yep. It may not seem like much, but discontentment can cause so many hectic problems. Being discontent with where God has me translates into so many different other problems. It can mean that I begin comparing my life with one that I would rather have. It can mean that I try to take control of situations that I should allow to work out on God's timeline, not mine. It can steal my joy. It can cause so much heartache because I start to feel like God has forgotten about me, and even if I am surrounded by people who love me, I can feel so alone in this struggle. It ultimately is me, saying,

"God, I don't trust You to work this one out." 

     As a follower of Christ, I know that that is a foolish thing to do. But knowing it doesn't mean I haven't tried to make it work anyway. But it doesn't. I have recently been in the throes of this struggle. I have experienced a few changes in my life, the most impactful was my graduation. On the road to graduating, I was so focused on what was coming next, what test, what studies, what assignment were next. Unfortunately, it led to a sort of "forward thinking" problem for me. Suddenly, I have no "next". I was actually really looking forward to being done with school, thinking it would be the gateway to all kinds of wonderful adventures, but it came and went like a birthday, you wake up feeling the same way as you did the day before, and there aren't that many changes. Except now, I have no next assignment to focus on. 
     It's a challenge not to feel like graduating has caused me to lose all my sense of focus, all my purpose. I've never heard anyone say, "darn that graduation, I have no purpose now, I feel lost." But I have seen the education addicts, the ones that stay in school and continue for years working on academic goals and I can kind of understand why they do it now. I had found my purpose in fulfilling one educational goal after the next, always focused on the end goal of graduating. And now that goal has been completed.
                                    "How dull," I replied to this new chapter in life.

     Discontentment cropped up in all kinds of shapes and sizes when I opened that door, usually initiated by comparing hat I have to what I don't. I don't want to be at home. I don't want to be "single". I don't want to be nearly 20. I don't want to live here anymore. See the pattern? I.Don't. 
     So I opened up my Bible this morning and I read Psalm 37. David says to, trust in the Lord, commit your way unto the Lord, rest in the Lord, and wait on the Lord, because He is our strength in the time of trouble and He will help us. He will help us! Good news, right?
     It's really wonderful how God allowed real people and their problems to be included in His Word, it helps put so many things into perspective. And that's what I got this morning, perspective, reassurance, and prayerfully the ability to release this discontentment, knowing that it may seem harder to just trust the Lord with any plans He has for me than to try to do everything myself, but it really isn't, it's just my desire to control things that is so hard to relinquish. 

And that's all that I have as far as serious things go, just wanted to share with that with you, hope you have a wonderful day,


  1. AMEN! So encouraged to have read this post, and so happy to have found your blog :) Much hugs to you and your family from Alaska!

    1. Thanks, happy to be an encouragement! Hugs to you too!