Thursday, January 1, 2015

Can People Change?

Can people change?
That as the question for today in my 5-year Q&a journal.
Can people change......
This blog is becoming more of personal conversation
with myself than anything, so why don't we discuss it?
Good, we all agree, let's do it.
I am not turning into Gollum, I promise...I do tell myself to shut up
quite frequently, but the similarities end there.

Back to the question though.
Can people (in my opinion) change?
I don't know.....
Well, yes. And also, no.
I'm inclined to answer "no" straightaway, but I am
forever an optimist and have to squeak the "yes" in, for hope and all that.
However, I don't know if people can really change that much.
At least not alone. True salvation can change your desires,
your heart, and open your conscience to reprimanding,
thus eliciting a new behaviour and attitude.
Outside of that though? Not really.
I don't know about all this change.
I believe that people can develop. 
They can become a better version, or worse version of themselves really.
It's a constant battle, that tricky "change". 
Trying to overcome that almost constant desire to fall back
on old habits. I believe habits can be overcome. 
I have overcome bad habits.
I am battling bad habits, that prayerfully, I will overcome. 
We are constantly developing characteristically, spiritually.
Are we changing though? 

I mean, I am not the same person I was two years ago, am I?
Five years ago, ten?
Hmmmm. yes. I am.
And also, no.
I am older, sure. I have more "life experience" (yay life).
I've developed as a person. 
Not really changed though.
I've had variables influencing me, constant things influencing me.
But I still hate cornbread, and I love the stars.
I'm still Katie, with blonde unfriendly hair.
I love Jesus, and I try to please Him,
really He's the only one I have the desire to please anymore.
I'm still that competitive little first grader at heart,
who rallies at the sight or sound of injustice...
(side note-a kid stole my candy bar in first grade and I wasn't fond of him ever after that,
also, I punched a boy for kissing me on the playground)
I'm rambling aren't I?
Oh well. Go away if you're bored.
Not really, please come back!!! 
Yeah, I'm also a people-person. That hasn't changed.
I want people to be happy. I don't like stepping on toes.
But get me wound up about something, and there will always be an
exception to that. 

So, can people change, is there hope for us? 
What is change? Is it "180 degrees, I don't even recognize you'?
Or is it a niggly little thing that etches away at us?
Or is it different for everyone?
I don't know. I still haven't answered the question....maybe I'll leave it blank this year....

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Those Book Nerds =/

       Why are books so wonderful? Books have had an almost magical draw for people since they were invented. They are fascinating, they are adventurous, they can make the unknown know through the voice of an author that has been long dead. Most of us recall the lore of the library of Alexandria from our early educations. Most of us have fanned through the spines lined up in a beautiful array at our library, searching for a particular book, or searching for a new favorite, yet to be discovered.

       Books are an incredible transfer of another humans thoughts, emotions, opinions, intellect, and interests, captured on a page. When we submit ourselves to the reality of a book, non-fiction or fiction, we can empathize with the characters, the actions, reactions, situations, and struggles they may have.

       I once read a theory about books, one that I find so interesting. It said that the process we have of getting rid of our books allows the book to transfer hands until it finds it's perfect reader, and thus can allow sympathetic readers connect trough the experience of the book. I know that sounds so existential, and I don't think I go for the personification of the book as much as this theory does, but in one sense it's true. By the buying, selling, trading, and purging of our books we do give others the opportunity to experience the same materials we have, creating a relatable interest.

      One of the most well known books in the world is the Bible. Why is that? There are so many reasons, some historical (like the propagation of missionaries in the 1600s during and following the Age of Exploration) some literary (the Bible is relatable to an extremely wide audience due to the variation of authors and conveyance of timeless struggles that all of mankind can relate to).

     The Bible is also the inspired Word of God. I mean, we can talk about inspired books all day long-most books are inspired by SOMETHING. But how many books can claim that they were inspired by God? Just one. It has so many incredible messages, all culminating and surrounding the redemption of unworthy people like me. A message of grace, one that connects it's readers through the ages, transcending time, distance, and language barriers. Amazing, right?!!!

      So when you meet a book nerd, don't dismiss their love and fascination of books as an antiquated amusement, because books are for so much more than entertainment :)
Happy New Year!!!

Thursday, December 4, 2014

Christmas Dress

So I decided Kid#5 needed a cute Christmas dress!
And then I found this plaid flannel!

And I just happened to have some red fleece in my stash
for a cardigan!

This was my first-ever long sleeve dress
(and first jacket thing) ever and I am really happy with how they turned out!

She totally ran this photo shoot, and I love how
much fun she was having!

She kept saying, "let me do another project!"

And she insisted that the dog be included-girl after my own heart :)

Love this one sooo much!

I know it's blurry, but the dog's face is so hilarious!

Sassy sis =)

She was all like, "CHAIK! Look at Katie!!"

I would totally share my pattern with you, but I didn't use one! I drafted a 
bodice from a t-shirt, added the sleeves, and used a circle skirt for the skirt 
with a ruffle hem. For the cardigan.....I have no idea what I did, sorry!
Happy Christmas! :)

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Comparison is Killing my Contentment

     So. This is not really a "normal'' post for this blog, or for me to even write. I usually leave the deeper expressions of contemplation to the blogs that were actually created to intellectually challenge the reader. For example, the Gospel Driven Family blog will leave you feeling smarter and yet, surprisingly uninformed about the topic by the time you finish a post in most cases (in my cases anyway). The blogs for clever people abound, and therefore I, not counting myself among the clever, have a tendency to steer toward conversational writing. Because I want to talk to my readers, not just inform them.
     Today I still want to talk to you. So don't let the different format throw you off. I want to talk to you about something that plagues my walk with Christ, something that isn't a first-time struggle for me, one that crops up every now and then and threatens to steal my joy and occasionally succeeds.

My struggle is called Contentment. 
     Yep. It may not seem like much, but discontentment can cause so many hectic problems. Being discontent with where God has me translates into so many different other problems. It can mean that I begin comparing my life with one that I would rather have. It can mean that I try to take control of situations that I should allow to work out on God's timeline, not mine. It can steal my joy. It can cause so much heartache because I start to feel like God has forgotten about me, and even if I am surrounded by people who love me, I can feel so alone in this struggle. It ultimately is me, saying,

"God, I don't trust You to work this one out." 

     As a follower of Christ, I know that that is a foolish thing to do. But knowing it doesn't mean I haven't tried to make it work anyway. But it doesn't. I have recently been in the throes of this struggle. I have experienced a few changes in my life, the most impactful was my graduation. On the road to graduating, I was so focused on what was coming next, what test, what studies, what assignment were next. Unfortunately, it led to a sort of "forward thinking" problem for me. Suddenly, I have no "next". I was actually really looking forward to being done with school, thinking it would be the gateway to all kinds of wonderful adventures, but it came and went like a birthday, you wake up feeling the same way as you did the day before, and there aren't that many changes. Except now, I have no next assignment to focus on. 
     It's a challenge not to feel like graduating has caused me to lose all my sense of focus, all my purpose. I've never heard anyone say, "darn that graduation, I have no purpose now, I feel lost." But I have seen the education addicts, the ones that stay in school and continue for years working on academic goals and I can kind of understand why they do it now. I had found my purpose in fulfilling one educational goal after the next, always focused on the end goal of graduating. And now that goal has been completed.
                                    "How dull," I replied to this new chapter in life.

     Discontentment cropped up in all kinds of shapes and sizes when I opened that door, usually initiated by comparing hat I have to what I don't. I don't want to be at home. I don't want to be "single". I don't want to be nearly 20. I don't want to live here anymore. See the pattern? I.Don't. 
     So I opened up my Bible this morning and I read Psalm 37. David says to, trust in the Lord, commit your way unto the Lord, rest in the Lord, and wait on the Lord, because He is our strength in the time of trouble and He will help us. He will help us! Good news, right?
     It's really wonderful how God allowed real people and their problems to be included in His Word, it helps put so many things into perspective. And that's what I got this morning, perspective, reassurance, and prayerfully the ability to release this discontentment, knowing that it may seem harder to just trust the Lord with any plans He has for me than to try to do everything myself, but it really isn't, it's just my desire to control things that is so hard to relinquish. 

And that's all that I have as far as serious things go, just wanted to share with that with you, hope you have a wonderful day,

Sunday, November 2, 2014

Into My Own

One of my wishes is those dark trees,
So old and so firm the scarcely show the breeze,
Were not, as 'twere, the merest mask of gloom,
But stretched away into the edge of doom.

I should not be withheld but that some day,
Into their vastness I should steal away,
Fearless of ever finding open land,
Or highway where the slow wheel pours the sand.

I do not see why I should e'er turn back,
Or those should not set forth upon my track
To overtake me, who miss me here
And long to know if still I held them dear.

They would not find me changed from him they knew-
Only more sure of all I thought was true.

-Robert Frost

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

It's Been a Bit.....

It's been a bit since I've been on my blog....
Not like I've been feeling guilty about it or anything.
Okay, so I lied, I've missed it.
And I felt guilty, not sure why though.
Blogging has never been like a chore or anything, and it's
not really like I've done it consistently in the history of ever.

But I'm back! Sort of I guess.
Who knows if this will be the first of many posts to come
or the last of any for ages. 

News news news!
For example, I am a transcript away from graduation!
Let's celebrate! 

And after that.....after that, let's take a nap.
A nap that will be like a memorial to all those nights
I spent awake worried about my tests,
worried about the drive, panicked at the prospect of getting lost.
All those breathless moments when I was sure I was going to fail
and, only by God's grace, didn't (expect that one time, but we won't dwell on that).
And shoutout to all the awesome people who have prayed for me.
And the people that told me I couldn't quit (thanks mom and dad).
And the people that told me I wouldn't fail.
All your support has been awesome,
and when I cried and shouted and slapped my forehead
you kept me going :)
This is starting to sound like a bad graduation speech.
I don't do speeches.

And the moon has been gorgeous lately.

So yeah :)
I'm trying to get the hang of this again,
forgive me for rambling like a weirdo.
Wait, no, nevermind don't.
Cause I am, and I did, and I'm not sorry :)

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

April shower, even though it's March

It's March!! (did you know that?)
And I feel like it's been ages since I blogged.
And if 2 weeks+ is ages,
then it has been.

We have had some really marvelous weather lately.
Rain, in point of fact.
And 50 degrees. 

And all this loverly weather has inspired me to
grab my pencils. All two of them.
And some blank paper that stares back at me,
asking for kindness, and requesting not to be wrinkled up
and thrown away.

Four pages made it! 
Those less fortunate were....less fortunate.
My mom is a genius and recommended
this pseudo-clothesline for my wall,
I love it, and it was so easy.

To be 100% truthful, the one on the right was done
several months ago, and was stuck in a stack
of old sketches. It fit my theme perfectly though :)

I definitely think the little girl in the rain is my favorite :)

And now I need your help! 
I have room for one more sketch on my line,
and I need an idea! 
Comment below with ideas-remember it
has to be umbrella related :)
Thanks for stopping by!